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Fred Samuel Bonnett Jr. 12/12/67 - 12/10/2008.
For the last few days,I have been dreading today.I seem to become a basket case thinking about what I could have done differently.
Did I make mistakes?Of course I did ,but like most of us,I did the best that I could.
Intellectually I know that I did my best.emotionally is a different story.My "father" was the meanest most miserable drunk who beat & ridiculed us kids just for something to do so I didn't have a great role model but I did my best.
I have suffered from clinical depression for many,many years and currently take 200mg of Zoloft every day.Suicide enters my mind every day and I mean Every day..Maybe I passed it on to him..
When my Son died,I was active on another site.138 people sent condolences,one IDIOT said" If you had been a better father,maybe your son wouldn't have killed himself".I dont remember the exact wording of the 138 but 139 has stayed w/me.
I guess what I want to tell all of you is that you never really know whats going on in your children's minds. If you don't do anything else today,call your kids,hug em if they are near & try to get em' to talk to you..
For those of you that are going to say"I'll pray for you",w/all due respect keep it.If you must pray for someone,pray for those young people out there that are dealing w/things that they don't think that they can handle..
 

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Fred

My thoughts will be with you today. There are no words to sooth the pain felt by a parent who has lost a child, so I won't try. Just focus on trying to get through this day. I'll say a prayer for both you and your Son. Peace my friend......

Don
 

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Oldfat, I can come close to how you feel today. But only close. Every year about 2 weeks before the anniversary of my best friends death in Nam I go down hill. I stay there for a few weeks. It must be a 1,000 times harder for a son. We all do our best, as you did. That is all we can do. Every time I drive my 57 which was his car in high school it warms my heart. My heart is with you today and as long as you need it. One last thing, wrap your arms around yourself and give yourself a big hug from me. Stay well my friend.
Jeffrey
 

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KINGS X 56 = R.I.P. August 31, 2014Senior Member 2
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May God reach down & place his healing hands upon your heart & give you ease from your broken heart. Focus on the good times with your son & know that he loved you & you did nothing wrong. Our thoughts & prayers are with you today.

KINGS X 56
 

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Fred Samuel Bonnett Jr. 12/12/67 - 12/10/2008.
For the last few days,I have been dreading today.I seem to become a basket case thinking about what I could have done differently.
Did I make mistakes?Of course I did ,but like most of us,I did the best that I could.
Intellectually I know that I did my best.emotionally is a different story.My "father" was the meanest most miserable drunk who beat & ridiculed us kids just for something to do so I didn't have a great role model but I did my best.
I have suffered from clinical depression for many,many years and currently take 200mg of Zoloft every day.Suicide enters my mind every day and I mean Every day..Maybe I passed it on to him..
When my Son died,I was active on another site.138 people sent condolences,one IDIOT said" If you had been a better father,maybe your son wouldn't have killed himself".I dont remember the exact wording of the 138 but 139 has stayed w/me.
I guess what I want to tell all of you is that you never really know whats going on in your children's minds. If you don't do anything else today,call your kids,hug em if they are near & try to get em' to talk to you..
For those of you that are going to say"I'll pray for you",w/all due respect keep it.If you must pray for someone,pray for those young people out there that are dealing w/things that they don't think that they can handle..


Fred unfortunately, I know exactly what you are going through; not only on anniversary day, but every day. August 2nd of 2010, my daughter, Amy did much the same, went swimming and drowned. At first we all thought it was accidental but after the ME’s report came back it was a different story. A story I have had to come to grips with and can’t begin to understand.

I had good parents, or rather what folks in the 40’s called good parents. Don’t get me wrong, I loved my Dad and am fortunate to still have Mom with us at 93. I have a clearer understanding of those times now and understand what war can do to a man, from all sides. But, I grew to overcome those demons of his. WWII and Korea took its toll on many good men, but that is a different topic of discussion and can lead this down the wrong road.

Fred, according to the U.S. Health studies “There is growing evidence that familial and genetic factors contribute to the risk for suicidal behavior. Major psychiatric illnesses, including bipolar disorder, major depression, schizophrenia, alcoholism and substance abuse, and certain personality disorders, which run in families, increase the risk for suicidal behavior. This does not mean that suicidal behavior is inevitable for individuals with this family history; it simply means that such persons may be more vulnerable and should take steps to reduce their risk, such as getting evaluation and treatment at the first sign of mental illness.” I can’t vouch for this, but I do know that my daughter had her demons also. She was in treatment and under a doctors care. I am uncertain now as to just how well doctors really understand mental issues. Another topic for later.

Fred you and I have exchanged PM’s and E-mail regarding portions of this disturbing post, and I know what you stipulated here, but my prayers continue to be for you, your son and all of the parents in this world that continually loose a child. Regardless of the age at death, there is a deep and tremendous void within the parent. Nothing can replace that void but God’s love and his Peace. Sadly, we are not a programmable electronic device that can be reprogrammed to either ignore the pain within or forget. We will never forget and the pain will continue until that grand reunion with our Lord. Then and only then will we understand.

I must say DITTO to communicating with the children. Communicate to them that they, regardless of what is going on in their lives, are loved. I reach out to mine, including my daughter every day, even more so after loosing her. We, she and I sit and cry for hours in far away places that others can not see. Just as I am certain you and all other parents do.

Fred, they (the educated ones) tell me it will get better with time. I can’t argue that point just yet, but I have observed my Sister-in-law for the past 3 years, Taylor passed away from an illness that robbed this world of a great man of the future. My Father-in-law lost his daughter during the second year of Deby and mines marriage. It took him several years before he would even speak about it. So, time is the factor. It’s different for all of us. No one man or woman will handle the death of a child the same.

Father in Heaven, I humbly ask that you engulf Fred Bonnett Sr. with your Peace. Surround him with your Grace and Blessings. Speak to him in only a way you know how to do. Bring him back to this good earth and heal his mind and heart. Father I also ask for your Blessings on all of our brothers and sisters that suffer with much the same pain.

Father I ask that you extend your Blessing to our children. May they rest in your eternal Peace.

Father, as Fred also asked, we pray that you will develop in us a recognition of a child’s internal pain and give us the methods and means to help.
Father I know you know what we suffer; your only Son sacrificed his life for all of us. I ask this in Jesus name, Amen.

Peace be with you all,

Nick
 

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I can't even imagine what emotions and thoughts you have, but Nick is 100% correct only God can fill that void and give any kind of peace. I wish you the best and am hope you are able to get through this rough time.
 

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Fred Samuel Bonnett Jr. 12/12/67 - 12/10/2008.
For the last few days,I have been dreading today.I seem to become a basket case thinking about what I could have done differently.
Did I make mistakes?Of course I did ,but like most of us,I did the best that I could.
Intellectually I know that I did my best.emotionally is a different story.My "father" was the meanest most miserable drunk who beat & ridiculed us kids just for something to do so I didn't have a great role model but I did my best.
I have suffered from clinical depression for many,many years and currently take 200mg of Zoloft every day.Suicide enters my mind every day and I mean Every day..Maybe I passed it on to him..
When my Son died,I was active on another site.138 people sent condolences,one IDIOT said" If you had been a better father,maybe your son wouldn't have killed himself".I dont remember the exact wording of the 138 but 139 has stayed w/me.
I guess what I want to tell all of you is that you never really know whats going on in your children's minds. If you don't do anything else today,call your kids,hug em if they are near & try to get em' to talk to you..
For those of you that are going to say"I'll pray for you",w/all due respect keep it.If you must pray for someone,pray for those young people out there that are dealing w/things that they don't think that they can handle..
fred

Myself and my wife know exactly what your going thru , As we lost our oldest son xmas eve , Dec 24th 1998. At the age of 28.
Our worst time is his birthday and Dec 24th of each yr.I always think of him everday, as u think of your son too.
I really appreciate the time I had with him before we lost him to Jesus.
Just head forward Fred, as My wife and I try to do .
Merry Xmas
 

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I never lost a child so I can't imagine what you are going trough but I have an adult son that for all practical purposes has disappeared and I wonder every day where he is and how he's doing... Take care Fred... Later, Dave
 

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Fred, we are here for you!! I was never blessed with a child. So I never will have to deal with the loss of a child.

But on the 12/02 I did have to deal with the 1 yr anniv. of my Dad passing away.

Know that my prayers are with you and I am thinking of you brother. There is enough prayers for you and others that need prayers.
 

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Fred,
As a son of a mean drunk I unstand your pain and I lost my only sister, she could never get over the things that happened in our family. She was my best friend and a super person but no matter what I did I could not control how she felt. I have been where she was but I am still here.
I tell my children everyday how great they are and thank them for the gift of grandchildren.
That is why I say hold your friends close and your family closer.
Fred may the LORD give you the strenght you need and may we your friends
give you an ear when ever you need it.
 

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I am so sorry for your loss. I don't have any children so I can't even imagine how loosing one feels.

Last friday I had to put my cat Chelsea to sleep. She was just like my daughter. We were together for over 21.5 years. I'm not a "Cat" person but I'll tell you if I ever caught anyone harming her, I'd do to them what they did to Chelsea. She would mouse my cars and never once caused any damage to any of them. She was inspect every inch of the cars. I miss her so badly. I image this is how loosing a child feels?
 

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O.F., may the good Lord send you peace and understanding. He will never put more on you than you can handle, His words, not mine. So, you must be a tough man and a good man. God bless and I wish you the best. Charles
 

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We are here for you.

Fred, there's not much I can say that hasn't been posted already. Just know that we are all hurting along with you and I pray for God's peace and comfort to engulf you during this difficult time. JIM.
 

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There's been suicide in my family as well. It's been just over 4 years since my closest cousin killed himself and I know what you mean when not a day goes by without thinking of him doing it. I envy people who are very strong mentally.
 

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Having lost a brother and a father to suicide i understand how hard it can be to lose a family member like that. Id keep my feelings bottled up inside and often have "those" thoughts, but i found solace in others, talking about it helped out in so many ways. No parent should ever have to bury their child and it must be a terrible burden to carry but just remember that theres always someone you can talk to. Take care O.F.
 
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